3 Strategies For Dealing With A Critical Mother-In-Law

Q: We spent spring break with my in-laws. I was miserable. My mother-in-law is so critical of everything I do, and I feel hurt and angry whenever I am around her. My husband won’t intervene, insisting she can’t or won’t change. How can I prepare to see her this summer so she doesn’t ruin my vacation again?

A: Esti Schonbrun, our Trauma Therapist, suggests trying the following somatic therapy strategies: 1) emotional vaccinations, 2) regulation techniques, and 3) grounding exercises, to help navigate these challenging interactions more smoothly and maintain inner peace.

Firstly, engage in emotional vaccinations. Anticipate the specific interactions that stir your reactions. Imagine these scenarios vividly, pausing at the initial bodily response. Notice your physical sensations like shoulders tensing, stomach knotting, or facial flushing without judging or attempting to change them. This practice allows you to recognize and validate your body’s responses in a safe setting, preparing you to handle real-time situations with greater awareness and composure.

Next, explore regulation techniques. Identify calming exercises that quiet your stress response. Deep breathing, soothing touch (like rubbing your arms), or gentle movement (such as stretching) can significantly calm your nervous system. Practicing these methods beforehand equips you to employ them effectively when your stress levels rise.

Lastly, use grounding exercises during your visit. Focus on tangible sensations, like the feel of your feet on the floor, your breath’s rhythm, or the texture of a comforting object in your hands. Keep a good-smelling hand cream or a tactile object nearby to engage your senses, which can help anchor you and reduce anxiety. Return your attention to these sensations throughout your visit to quiet the mind and soothe your nerves.

By preparing for your next visit with these somatic therapy strategies, you can face your critical mother-in-law with greater resilience. Emotional vaccination allows you to anticipate and understand your reactions, regulation techniques help calm your body’s stress response, and grounding exercises keep you centered. Together, these methods offer a powerful toolkit for managing stress and maintaining your well-being in challenging family dynamics.