Is My College Freshmen Depressed?
Q: Our oldest is in his first semester of college. In many ways, it appears to be, “So far, so good.” At least academically, that is. But we’re worried. He doesn’t seem to be making friends. When we ask him how things are going, he just talks about classes and band practice, which are “fine.”. It sounds like he’s eating most of his meals alone. We don’t think he’s been to any parties or joined any clubs. And although he’ll deny it, he seems a bit down. We make suggestions, but he waves them all off. He’s never been depressed per se, and yet, we’re worried. What should we do?
A: College, and the separation it requires, is an adjustment for everyone. Here are four concrete actions Brent Donmoyer, PMHNP, our Adolescent and Young Adult mental health prescriber, recommends you consider: 1) Take a breath and remember that school has only just started. The first semester can be a big adjustment for everyone. Your son may just need more time to get his footing, and it’s natural to worry about how the process is going for him. 2) Keep communication open, acknowledging your concerns while also staying optimistic about his ability to navigate this transition. Furthermore, continue talking regularly while he’s adjusting. 3) Respect his autonomy by offering support rather than solutions. Resist the temptation to let your fears cause you to over-function for him. This hands-off approach demonstrates your confidence in his abilities as a young adult. Finally, 4) Remember, you’ll likely be seeing him soon for Thanksgiving or winter break. These visits will give you a chance to better gauge how he seems and to have face-to-face conversations about how things are going socially and emotionally. If you’re still concerned after that, come to our blog for more suggestions or reach out for further guidance.
Here Are Some Additional Resources
Advice from Cleveland Clinic for parents of college students: (https://health.clevelandclinic.org/advice-for-parents-of-college-students/)
A resource from the Univ. of Minnesota discussing warning signs: https://innovation.umn.edu/college-parent/mental-health-2/
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