Growing Up Too Fast

Q: I’ve noticed my 14-year-old daughter is choosing clothing that, in my eyes, is meant to be worn by older women like crop tops, short shorts, tight-fitting shirts, and everything in between! When I express my concern, she accuses me of not wanting her to be proud of her body. Her friends dress like this, too. As Halloween approaches, I’m already concerned about the costumes she’s considering. I fear a very revealing Halloween costume will put her in a lot of danger. I’ve always given my daughter room to freely express herself, and I don’t want to police her in a way that strains our relationship. Why are these young girls in such a rush to grow up?!

A: In this age of pervasive social media, it’s understandable that teenagers will act differently than their parents did during adolescence. The media has much more influence on your daughter than it likely did on you. The over-valuation of women’s sexuality while simultaneously undervaluing our other qualities and accomplishments points girls in the direction of embracing this sexualization and even commodification (e.g., marketing ourselves on IG like a product) of themselves in an attempt to normalize it and gain broader acceptance from their peers. Take the
opportunity to 1) discuss the positives and negatives of social media’s influence on our self-confidence/self-esteem, 2) learn together about the body positivity movement and how you both might want to have it influence your own perspectives of self and others and 3) discuss the safety benefits of age-appropriate style choices. This way, your daughter will feel that you are working with her instead of against her in her daily as well as Halloween costume style choices.