Camp, I’m not going back!

Q: My child came home from camp declaring, “I’m bored and have no friends!” Now she’s begging to stay home, but I’ve paid for the entire session and need camp for childcare. Help!”

A: Our parenting psychologist, Dr. Jill Jacobson, recommends the following: First acknowledge your feelings so you can support your child most effectively. Talk with a sympathetic person- your partner, friend, or a therapist about your feelings of sadness, fear, frustration, and/or guilt. This will help you to resist sharing your reactions with your child.

Next, encourage your daughter to continue talking. You might respond with, “You felt left out, tell me more.” Validate her feelings, rather than trying to talk her out of them. It might seem counter intuitive, but what you resist will likely persist. Acknowledge what she’s saying, “It makes sense that you felt nervous joining the group.” Avoid trying to convince her that camp is fun and limit your questions. Attending to how she’s feeling opens a window, allowing her to vent those negative emotions. Plus, the more she talks, the more you’ll learn about her concerns, guiding you on how to help coach her. Remember, our job as parents is Guide our kids on how to deal with life’s challenges, not to solve their problems or rescue them from them.

Finally, when you do send her back to camp, it will be with your understanding and support. You might say, “It’s okay to feel nervous. I know you can be brave and give it your best shot!” Consider including an encouraging note in her lunchbox. Let her know that you believe in her ability to cope. When she returns home, be ready to greet her with a smile, hug, and listening ear. (Note: If concerns persist or seem serious, reach out to the camp for some collaborative problem solving.)

Making camp fun or easy isn’t our job, but when we support our kids’ experiences, they can build the confidence and skills needed to tackle their problems.