Did I Get Ghosted?

Q: I was talking to a girl for a year, and we finally started dating in July. We hung out together constantly over the summer. Then college started, and after a couple of weeks of texting, I suddenly stopped getting replies. I thought she got grounded or something, but it’s been a month, and still nothing. I don’t even see her in person, so it’s been really hard. Should I give up?

A: It’s painful and confusing to not hear back from someone you care about, especially when it’s unclear what caused it. You’re in a situation known as “ghosting,” and it’s more common than you might think. According to Psychology Today, “approximately 50% of men and women have experienced [ghosting]—and an almost equal number have done the ghosting”. You feel rejected and wish you had closure, but keep in mind getting ghosted says less about you and more about the ghoster. People who ghosts are often afraid of hurting other people’s feelings or of having an intense conversation. Perhaps she wants to break up or feels things are moving too fast. Either way, she lacks the courage to deal with the issue head-on, so she’s avoiding it, and you’re left with unanswered questions.

For all of us, these conversations can be difficult, but for some, they may seem impossible. They pull away from others when things begin to feel too intense, and they avoid confrontations and “feelings” conversations like the plague.

Our best advice is to move on to someone who is willing to put themselves out there for you. Someone who’s open with their feelings. Good communication is paramount in a healthy relationship, and keep in mind you deserve better.