Advice Column: Why are people so unfriendly lately?
Question:
I have always been the type to wave and say “hi” when I pass people in the neighborhood. Lately, though, I’ve noticed more and more people stare ahead or even look annoyed when I greet them. It makes me wonder if friendliness is going out of style. Why is this happening, and how can I keep from feeling rejected when they don’t wave back?
Answer:
You’re not imagining this. Many suburban communities have seen a shift toward less casual friendliness in recent years. Psychologists call this civil inattention, a glance that acknowledges you but avoids deeper interaction. It’s a typical social behavior in busy cities, but several recent changes may be bringing it to the suburbs, too.
Technology, such as phones, earbuds, and podcasts, creates a private bubble that makes people less likely to pay attention to the world around them and notice you.
COVID added another layer; many people became less comfortable with casual contact. Some still carry lingering social anxiety or are simply out of the habit of greeting strangers. Rising stress levels also play a role. Economic worries, heavier workloads, and mental fatigue over cultural shifts leave many people with less “bandwidth” for small, friendly gestures. When we are stressed, our brains sometimes conserve energy by limiting greetings.
What You Can Do
None of this means your friendliness is misplaced. It just means our social “norms” might be shifting. To protect your good mood, try these ideas:
• Don’t take it personally. Their reaction usually reflects their stress or distraction, not you.
• Adapt your approach. A smile or nod may feel easier for others to return than a wave.
• Focus on the more promising responses. Save your energy for people who respond warmly; those interactions will boost your mood. When someone does smile back, consider taking it as a sign it’s safe to wave, offer a warm greeting, or even start a chat.
Your kindness is still valuable, whether or not it’s always returned. Think of your wave as a gift you’re offering freely; some may reject it, but for others, you might just make their day!
This article was originally published as a Laudable Life advice column in the Lakelands Leader, December 2025 edition.
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