Advice Column: Why are people so mean on the internet?

Question: I’ve always been a positive, happy-go-lucky, encouraging person, but online, it feels like no good deed goes unpunished. When I leave supportive or helpful comments in professional Facebook groups, I sometimes get criticized, or even mocked, for little things like a typo. Why are people so negative online, and how can I stop taking it personally so I can stay the upbeat person I love being?

Answer:
You’re definitely not alone. People tend to be much harsher online than in “real life.’ Psychologists call this the online disinhibition effect. When we lose face-to-face cues like tone and facial expressions, it’s easy to forget there’s a real person on the other side of the screen. Add in the sense of anonymity and the quick, impulsive nature of online posting, and commenters can be blunter and more critical than they would ever dare to be face-to-face.

Toxic disinhibition in online spaces can also amplify negativity. If one person is critical, others often pile on. Sometimes people make comments to get attention rather than to be helpful, and, as we all know, self-righteousness can be a hell of a drug.

 Here are a few ways to protect your positive outlook:

• Take a breath before reacting. Their words reflect them, not you.
• Choose your spaces carefully. Stay in groups where the tone feels supportive and consider leaving ones that drain you or are poorly moderated.
• Hold onto your intention. If you meant to encourage, that still matters, even if some responses were unkind. Remember, most readers likely appreciated your sentiment.
• Let some comments go. Not every remark deserves your attention. Use your mindful intentionality to release others’ negative energy.

We can’t control how people behave online, but we can choose where to spend our time and what we take to heart. In this case, protecting your peace may let you keep being that happy, encouraging voice the world needs more of!