Valentine’s Day Expectations Too High?

Q: Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and my son is struggling to come up with ideas for celebrating with his girlfriend.  His younger sister says all his ideas are “lame” and won’t satisfy his girlfriend and her social media audience when she reports what he did. This is very upsetting to me. It seems like too much pressure on him. Why do we make everything so “extra” these days? 

A: Feeling worried when you see your child possibly being influenced by external pressures, especially in high school relationships, is understandable. The expectations set by social media can create unrealistic standards for romantic gestures, leading to unnecessary stress. Here are 3 recommendations that Dr. Krista Beyer suggests that you may consider.

Firstly, it’s essential to determine who is feeling the distress. Is your son genuinely troubled by these expectations, or are the concerns more reflective of your apprehensions? If he’s content and excited about planning something special, perhaps his sister just needs to stay out of it. However, it’s different if he’s feeling overwhelmed or pressured. 

In either case, your role as a supportive parent is vital. Open a channel for honest communication rather than offering direct advice on what he should or shouldn’t do. Let him know you’re there to listen and support him, not judge the situation or direct his actions. This can be a valuable opportunity to discuss the nature of healthy relationships, the impact of social media on our perceptions, and the importance of staying true to oneself. 

Remember, validation goes a long way. Acknowledge his feelings, whether they are of excitement, stress, or confusion. Encourage him to make decisions that align with his comfort and values, not just what’s trending online. This approach will address the immediate situation and empower him to make thoughtful decisions in the future, guided by his values rather than external pressures.