Advice Column: Avoiding Rejection During Internship Application Season

Q: My daughter, a high school senior, can leave school midday for an internship. Many of her friends have already found one. She’s stressed but increasingly avoids applying to more places and pushes back on every suggestion I make. How can I help?

A: Stress and avoidance often travel together. When friends announce their placements, each new application becomes a chance to confirm she’s failing and putting it off protects her from that feeling in the short run. The psychologists call this negative reinforcement: avoiding the task brings quick relief, which makes avoiding more likely next time, while the underlying shame and worry grows.

Her pushback makes sense too. Teenagers are working hard at autonomy, and a parent’s suggestions, however useful, can land as evidence that she isn’t handling it. Research on self-determination shows motivation grows when people feel a sense of choice. It’s also worth asking yourself whose anxiety the advice is soothing. Sometimes offering ideas calms us more than it helps them.

A Few Things To Try

Here are some suggestions form the therapists at Kentlands Psychotherapy who specialize in working with teens and supporting the parents of adolescents. 

Ask before advising. “Do you want ideas, or do you just need to vent?” Then honor her answer.

Name the hard part. “It’s tough when it seems like everyone else has it worked out.” Feeling understood lowers the temperature more than solutions do.

Make the next step small and hers. Instead of a list of leads, ask, “What’s one thing you could do this week?” Sending a single email counts.

Widen what counts. A part-time job, volunteering, or a project she designs herself can fill those afternoons and build the same skills. Her school adviser can also guide her on options.

Limit yourself. Some parents find it helps to offer one suggestion a week, then let it go.

If the avoidance starts spreading to schoolwork, friendships, sleep, or mood, that’s a sign of something bigger than internship stress, and a conversation with a therapist could help.

She’ll likely find her way, and she’ll trust herself more if the path is one she chose. Good luck to you both!

Originally posted in the Lakelands Leader in November 2026