Q: My desire for sex is not nearly what my husband’s is. I know that physical intimacy is a very important way for us to keep our relationship healthy and for him to feel loved, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I’m just not that into it. What should I do?

A: It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your physical intimacy. It can be difficult to talk about this subject, but it’s important to find a way to express your feelings and needs to your partner in a way that is respectful and understanding. You might want to try having a conversation with your husband about your sex drive and how you can work together to find a solution that works for both of you. It might be helpful to explore the underlying reasons for your lower sex drive and consider talking to physician, like a gynecologist, to rule out any possible medical causes for the issue.

There are many potential causes of reduced sex drive, and the specific cause can vary from person to person. Some common causes can include stress and fatigue, relationship issues, and certain medications; and in midlife, changes on hormone can also be at play. In some cases, reduced sex drive may be a sign of an underlying health condition, such as heart disease or diabetes. If you are experiencing a reduced sex drive, it’s a good idea to talk to your doctor to determine the cause and find appropriate treatment.

Once a medical cause is ruled out, talking to a therapist or counselor who can help you work through any issues that may be contributing to it. There are many psychological and emotional factors that can contribute to a reduced sex drive. These can include stress, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and relationship problems. Past trauma or abuse can also affect a person’s sexual desire, as can certain life changes, such as the birth of a child or the onset of menopause. Additionally, some mental health conditions, such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, can affect a person’s sex drive. It’s important to talk to a doctor or mental health professional if you are experiencing a reduced sex drive and think that it may be related to a psychological or emotional issue.

Help can come in the format of individual therapy or a couples therapy. Because you were concerned about your husband’s feelings on this issue including him in the conversation with a trained professional could be very helpful. When seeking help for you and your spouse we recommend that you look for someone with advanced training in couples work and or specific sex therapy certification.

If you’d like to discuss what resources we have available at Kentlands Psychotherapy or who we might be able to recommend in the community give us a call at (240) 252-3349. We’re happy to help..