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Perhaps it’s not about the “heart.” Maybe it’s just about the sex. In any case, if you are in a secret affair, have a “mistress,” or are in an outside relationship with another man, your life is likely fraught with a hodgepodge of powerful emotions and complex situations for which counseling can help.
If your partner doesn’t know about the infidelity or is unaware of your affair partner, you may be asking yourself, “Do I want him or her to know? Maybe that would help me get out of my marriage. Or perhaps it would help me to end the affair.” Should you tell? (Read here) Have you been reckless in your risk-taking and near misses, perhaps hoping to get caught?
Maybe the relationship has already ended, it’s on a break, or it’s teetering on the rocks. Should you just pretend it never happen? Maybe you’ve found yourself wondering, “Can I mourn the loss of this relationship without my partner ever noticing?” Has trying to do so been making you feel like your head is going to explode or you’re going crazy?
Does sex or intimacy at home with your long-term companion or spouse make you feel like you’re betraying or cheating on your affair partner? No, that’s not strange at all. That’s actually a very common experience.
The odds are pretty good that you’re confused and have gone in circles in your head with these questions. Maybe you’ve been thinking, “I want to end this fling but I’m afraid the other woman (or other man) will “out us” to my wife (or husband).” Perhaps a lover’s implied threats have felt like blackmail to keep you in the relationship. If so, you’re likely feeling trapped in an affair you wish would just go away.
In extreme cases, people have even found themselves fantasizing about hiring a hit man or ending their own lives. The good news is, you don’t have to “go there.” You can sort these issues out with someone who will care about you and the people in your life.
Have you tried to let the fire of your affair die out naturally only to have it flare up again and again? Maybe there is no one in your life you can confide in about what’s been going on. Perhaps you’re hiding everything from everyone because you don’t want them to know about your situation or judge you. Unfortunately, trying to make sense of it all can be incredibly complex and without the right help, your thoughts may remain jumbled.
Private counseling by an experienced infidelity specialist can be extremely helpful. The relationship clinicians at Kentlands Psychotherapy do not pass judgment and your time here is completely confidential. Confiding in an expert can give you the support that you need and the precise guidance that you are seeking.
When you’re ready, you can use our online scheduler to make an appointment with me, Dr. Elizabeth Carr, Senior Affair Ambivalence Clinician, for an “Initial Consultation.” If you’d like to call me (ext. 801) with a few questions first, know that you will not be required to give any personal information over the phone prior to our first meeting.
When you book your appointment online, you will need to use a private email address to set up your client portal where you can receive your appointment confirmation and reminders.
I am usually full and not taking new clients, but can sometimes make exceptions for individuals looking for help with this issue. Please let me know if this is the case if we’re speaking on the phone and I tell you I am full.
I have extensive experience with individuals in therapy for infidelity issues including: confiding about an undisclosed outside romance, affair confusion and uncertainty, liaison extraction planning, emotional affairs, betrayal discovery crises, and infidelity recovery counseling, including the aspects of, “Should we still get married?” and/or, “Should we stay together or get divorced?” decision-making counseling. I’ve worked with many people in your shoes.
~ Dr. Elizabeth Carr
Are you outside the Gaithersburg or Montgomery County, Maryland area? Not to worry.
I offer encrypted telemedicine appointments.
Download the App “Telehealth by SimplePractice”