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Have you cheated or been cheated on?
Are you trying to get over infidelity or an affair by your partner? Wondering if the hurt, mistrust, and suspicion will ever go away.
Have your repair attempts seemed to help temporarily only to find yourself or your spouse sliding back into anger or despair?
Perhaps you’ve doubted at times whether your betrayed partner will EVER get past this. Perhaps you fear it will be hanging over you two forever, like a dark cloud that sullies or dooms the relationship.
Are you reluctant to seek help at your place of worship because you fear being labeled “an adulterer” or because of the stigma associated with “adultery?”
Have you been wondering if it’s possible to save your relationship and return to a sense of peace and mutual love? Questioning, “Does she still love me?” Or “Does he even want to be with me anymore?”
There’s reason to hope. Your relationship can recover from an affair. Husbands and wives can find their way back to each other if both individuals are willing to do the work.
And there is certainly plenty of “help” nearby. You’ll find numerous Psychology Today listings of clinicians offering, among MANY other services, affair recovery counseling by listing “Infidelity” under the issues they treat.
But . . . BUYER BEWARE, most graduate degree programs and Maryland state licensure requirements for Psychologists, Social Workers, LCPC (counselors), Marriage and Family Therapists, and Psychiatrists do not require a single course on this topic. When you see a Psychology Today listings saying “Verified,” know that this just means their licensure is “legit,’ the specialty areas listed are just boxes that the provider checks when they sign up for this PAID referral service listing.
Therefore, it is critical that you pre-screen any professional you are considering for assistance during this crisis as the relationship is likely currently in its most fragile state.
Here are some questions you might ask when screening potential therapists after the discovery of a betrayal, infidelity, or affair/liaison:
1) Have you ever taken any specific course work on affairs or on how to help couples therapeutically after infidelity has occurred?
2) Do you have any certification in any specific forms of couples therapy?
3) How many couples have you helped through the crisis of an affair?
4) How do you address the needs of both the hurt and the wayward partner in the therapy process?
5) How do you define “success” in these cases?
We also highly recommend you consider Raffaela Peter, Ph.D. another one of our excellent Adult and Couples Therapists or Angela Voegele, LCSW-C, our Certified Sex Therapist and Couples Therapist for this help. Both have excellent training and experience and offer daytime, evening, and weekend hours.
Are you the partner who’s been having or who’s had an affair, trying to make some decisions about what to do next? Read here for suggestions on how to think through the issues.
Are you wondering if you should tell your partner about the affair? Or offer additional details about the affair? Read more here for answers to your question.
Books you may find helpful
According to Dr. Shirley Glass, “the godmother of infidelity” (The New York Times), people today are cheating on their spouses more than ever before—especially in the workplace. Dispelling common myths with compelling new research and case studies, NOT “Just Friends” is a groundbreaking chronicle of what occurs before, during, and after an affair: the danger signs, the vulnerabilities of even good marriages, and the step-by-step road to healing and protecting monogamy in the aftermath.
There is nothing quite like the pain and shock caused when a partner has been unfaithful. The hurt partner often experiences a profound loss of self–respect and falls into a depression that can last for years. For the relationship, infidelity is often a death blow.
After the Affair is the first book to help readers survive this crisis. Written by a clinical psychologist who has been treating distressed couples for 22 years, it guides both hurt and unfaithful partners through the three stages of healing: normalizing feelings, deciding whether to recommit, and revitalizing the relationship. It provides proven, practical advice to help the couple change their behavior toward each other, cultivate trust and forgiveness and build a healthier, more conscious intimate partnership.